The Voice: In Which Stupid Hair Continues to Fight With All of Us

Ok, the final battle round. And apparently it's going to start with a Max Casella look-alive who makes the poor decision to wear a headband. I'm not sure when dudes decided to start wearing headbands (see Nathanial Marshall, circa American Idol season 8), but it's not good.

I suppose it's good for making sure one's hair isn't flat. Too bad there's not a similar tool for one's voice. Because nothing about that performance was good.

Oh shut up, Cee Lo. It's not "very tough". Send them both home.

Also, let's stop asking people to sing True Colors. Nothing good ever comes of it.

The one thing I'll say about that decision is kudos to Cee Lo for choosing NOT to pull a Shelton and send home the better performer, in favor of the person he wanted in the first place. Max/Jimmy/James/Whatever wasn't awesome, but he was definitely better than Wade. And even though Cee Lo had planned all along to send Wade through, I'm glad he did the right thing.

/kudos

1. Of course Robin Thicke (don't get me started on that jacket) wants to take Maroon Hat to prom. Because he's kind of a perv. Dude, you're married. Stop looking at her like that.

2. Come on Levine. That's not a big piano. And don't you do all that yoga? Why can't you move it, like, even a little bit. Lame.

3. What is that yellow stuff in Vibrato's hair? Is it some sort of island braid? Are we at Senor Frog's?

4. OK, MC. You know the name of the show, right? It IS about the voice. P.S. Christina, stop helping.

5. "This seems like straight up rock and roll." Uh...yeah. Good observation, Pickler. Sing it and stop whining.

6. If Jewel isn't happy with you (and the look on her face said it long before she tried to be diplomatic when calling you a wedding band), then you need to listen and fix it. Stop sucking.

SIDEBAR - Let's pause for a moment and discuss what the hell Christina was thinking when she decided to put the country duo with the MC. Part of me thinks the judges have a contest going to see who can make the weirdest pairing. This almost makes that sparkly CD look normal.

7. Ugh. Christina, you suck. (True, Pickler probably didn't need to be such a sore loser after the elimination, but they were robbed - and she knew it.)

8. Is that a sparkly Paul Bunyan shirt? Love it.

9. Nope. I can't say anything about that weird reggae thing. Any of it.

10. Yes I can. Who decided to chop that song up and move the lyrics around and break up phrases and generally make it all suck? Blake? Was that your fault? I refuse to judge the performances because Shelton did both singers a disservice. Boo. Boooooo.

11. Look, Green Day. Adam Lambert did the eyeliner/fingerless gloves/military jacket while you were still on tour. Why don't you try something original? Especially since you DID NOT DESERVE TO GO ON. Versatility, my foot.

12. You suck too, Cee Lo. I take back those earlier kudos.

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The Voice: In Which We All Fight a Battle With Rory's Hair. And Lose.

I think the most intense battle from last week was fought by the front and the back of Rory Shields' hair. Except there were no winners here. We all lost royally.

Seriously, what is up with that rat's nest? Is that "rock" now? I'm pretty sure Dave Grohl would have something to say about that - and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be good.

Here are the other things that annoyed me tonight:

1. Who in their right mind thought it was ok to have that child go by "Pip"? Inappropriate.

2. Oh, also that performance of "What's Love Got To Do With It?" was really bad. I know the hair was distracting, but in a way, it was good to have something stand as a symbol for JUST HOW BAD IT ALL WAS.

4. Thank god for fast forward. There's a lot of filler in here. Filler that I don't care about.

5. What's with all the one naming? Why is that ok?

6. The phrasing in "No Air" has always bothered me. And it's not made better with weird tattoos and a mohawk/pompadour. Or a screeching 17 year old. Jordin Sparks you're not. Also? "Jonathas" is not even a word.

7. If you have to say you're having fun, then you're not having fun. Right now? I'm not having fun.

8. Bold move telling Kelly that you'll go on tour with her only if you can open. I'm going to leave it at that.

9. Wait. Her name is ALyX? Ugh. I hate this show.

10. I'm tired of all these Adele sound-alikes. I like Adele. I do. But just like they made all those shows about single 20-somethings who sit around and talk about nothing in the two years that followed Friends, trying to trot out the next Adele isn't going to work our great for anyone in the long term. And Christina - you're not helping by comparing her to Adele right there in your critique. So that's for that.

11. Way to dress up for national tv, Levine. You look like you're at home with the flu.

12. Who's calling this show? Why do the lights always come up halfway through the first line of the song? It's called "GO" jerk. Push the damn button.

13. I'll be glad when these battle rounds are over, for the simple fact that I'd like to never again see that little sparkly 45 that Christina has been wearing on her head.

14. How long do we think they actually sit there waiting for the judge's decision? Is it really a snap judgment like it seems on tv? Or is the waiting and the talking and the "You guys are both amazing" stuff all killed in the editing bay.

15. Ugh. "Thank you for turning your chairs around"? That's what you're ending with? Boo.

Booooooooooo.

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