Idol Top 4 Results: In Which It Takes Me a Full Day To Come To Terms

Enough of this random order stuff. You just don't want the people to know that your bottom two also includes The Chosen One. And eliminating Charo over DWDJr? Boo. Bad form, America.

GROUP SONG: We'll miss you Charo. Because you're the only thing that made this tolerable. Well, that and Slash's solo.

JUDGMENT: Dude. Those aren't pants. They barely even pass for leggings. If you were a girl in my seventh grade class in 1989, then that might slide. But only if you were wearing an oversize New Kids t-shirt with a denim jacket. And DWD - it doesn't make you hard to have your boots sticking out over your pants. It just makes you look like you're trying too hard.

CAMEOS: Oh Paula. I love how you left your seat at the table to go and watch your pretaped performance from your dressing room. We're totally fooled. I also appreciate all the fog and the gigantic fake rocking microphone which concealed the rather obvious fact that you were lipsyncing. Whatever. I will listen to your Head Over Heels cd fondly, vocoder or not.

Daughtry: Yeah, this is a good song. But you're still flat when you sing live. And you got over losing Idol in 30 seconds? I bet.

No Doubt: No. I am not watching you sing an old song that I don't particularly like. I am fast forwarding.

RESULTS: Lame. That scream should have gotten DWD eliminated on the spot on Tuesday night. Who is voting for this douche?

NEXT WEEK: Hometown visits, and only two songs per contestant. Does this mean that Clive won't be there to recommend that Kris sing Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me or some crappy James Taylor song?