Hoo! Hoo! Bad-ow! (Top Chef: Episode 10 recap)

Oh Hootie Hoo - you were in top form this week. I was so close to falling asleep and you brought me back. I was literally cheering for half of the episode. Hootie Hoo!

OBSERVATION #1: Has it always been called the Stew Room? How did I miss that? And why did Pamda say it twice tonight?

Hootie Hoo!: I might as well keep the Hootie love going. The Oats Lady! Creative Monkeys! Meditating with flickering eye movements! Hands up! Bad-ow! God, it was all so beautiful, I managed to forgive you for starting some sort of Top Headband trend during Judges' Table. My favorite thing about tonight (aside from all the hoo-ing) was that I spent every Carla confessional trying to figure out who you reminded me of. And then it hit me - the Road Runner. Hootie Hoo!

OBSERVATION #2: How hot did Padma look in that referee's shirt?

Fabio: OK. You're from a foreign country. I get it. And yes, I cannot stand that 90% of the things you say are completely indecipherable (that's a real number - 9/10 of my notes about you say "What?!") which is often annoying. But the things that I DO understand are what makes me hate you. "Don't make fun of my food." Well, stop making stupid dishes with eggplant - no one likes eggplant. "I think my challenge is to cook something." No, you're going to get points for sparring with Spike. "I could put Monkey Ass on a plate." You said that last week. Do you know so little slang that you have to make it up and repeat it multiple times? You should have gone home this week - not just for your stupid food, but for being a major jerk to the guest judge. And apologizing at the end while stealing Keanu's thunder did not help things. Go away.

OBSERVATION #3: I didn't realize that I missed Nikki (the Human Pasta Machine?) until I saw her. And then after a while, I realize that I didn't miss her at all.

Canned Crab: All I could do was stare at your weird front teeth. Everyone has been talking about it, but tonight was the first night that I noticed it. Oh well - thank you for not dwelling on the whole kissing fiasco this week.

OBSERVATION #4: Someone should tell Toby that he's inside. Because those tinted glasses just make you look like a douche. Oh well - at least the bitchy retorts stayed at home tonight - maybe he forgot his notebook.

Rainbow Brite: Way to make...soup. Yeah, whatever, you didn't puree anything. But you still made soup. And your headband looked stupid. That's all.

OBSERVATION #5:

Keanu: Plates? That's all you could come up with? Plastic plates? I feel bad that you couldn't reign in your creative monkeys. Well, at least you gave everyone one last shirtless shot before you left. Even if it was negated by the sight of your bunkmate.

OBSERVATION #6: Spike's hats are still stupid - is it me or does he look like one of the Von Trapp kids tonight? And the big guy who allows people to call him Chunk? I think he looks like a Garbage Pail Kid.

T*ts McGoo: Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Whatever.

OBSERVATION #7: Is Debbie wearing pants? All I see is Jersey. I miss you, Debbie.

Melonhead: You deserved to be in the bottom three, even if it was "only your first time so you're definitely safe". I doubt it will have any impact on your ego, but at least I had one week of joy.

OBSERVATION #8: Remember Make Me a Supermodel? How they took normal pretty people and made them all high fashion and stuff? The new people look weird right from the start. And not in a good way. And they fired Niki. I'm totally not watching. Not when Idol is just about to get good.