In Which I Die of Boredom (Top Chef: Episode 11 recap)

Sweet lord that was lame. Anyone else actually miss Spike and Andrew? This week's episode made those Stephanie Dr. Pepper commericals seem like Oscar-worthy documentaries. Even my sweet little Hootie Hoo disappointed. I can't wait for this season to be over.

OBSERVATION #1: It's sad when the most entertaining part of the episode is the "Last Week on Top Chef" segment.

Hootie Hoo!: I wish I didn't know you had trained at a French culinary school. I had hoped that you learned how to cook down on the bayou. I imagined you in the swamp, frying up chitlins under the tutelage of a wisecracking owl and a spunky, yet knowledgeable, otter. I'm glad you're still around, but your inclusion in the top three only warrented a half-hearted "Hootie Hoo!" from me tonight. Please be more fun next week, k?

Fabio: "This is the first time I've been in the bottom." Oh? Am I remembering that other Italian guy who has been in the bottom several times? Gail thought your food was boring - remember? I see how it is. Gail leaves and you think her criticism leaves with her? Boo. Boo to you for underestimating the power of Gail.

OBSERVATION #2: I enjoyed how Tom pointed out that Toby Young doesn't know how to cook. It's Padma's job to be the non-chef of the group, and even she has a bunch of cookbooks. That "It's harder than it looks" aside, with a cocked eyebrow showed us that Tom knows how it is. Toby's days are definitely numbered. Good.

Canned Crab: Well, somehow you made me feel sorry for you. All this "but I'm a seafood chef" talk made me realize how misguided you are. And then the phrase "Canned Crab" came screaming back at me, as I realized the reason for your moniker. Apparently, you don't know jack about seafood.

Rainbow Brite: Thanks for reminding us that you were the last remaining member of Team Rainbow (sad - I liked those other dudes). I thought you might be a dark horse and land in the finals with Melonhead. I'm sorry I was wrong. But it makes sense - today's dish didn't have a single scallop or item to be pureed. This just goes to show that nothing good can come of celery. That's why I prefer to focus on cupcakes.

OBSERVATION #3: Did anyone else know that Padma was married to Salman Rushdie? And she had a part in Glitter. God love Wikipedia.

T*ts McGoo: How do you keep dodging these bullets? You QUIT in the middle of a challenge! For the life of me, I can't figure out why you're still around. You're not even giving us Real World fodder. I don't know what miso is (and I spent too much time reading about Padma to bother looking it up) but I'm pretty sure you should know how to use it.

Melonhead: Oh whatever.

OBSERVATION #4: Don't think that I didn't notice the creepy long haired gastro-whatever chef in the previews for next week. The only thing plainer than his Jan Brady look is his milquetoast personality. And with the incorrect use of a fancy word like "milquetoast," (apparently it's a noun and not an adjective - oh well) I'm off to have another cupcake.