We'll get to the Hootie and the Hoo in due time. But first let's talk about the most important elimination tonight. I like to imagine Gail calling up Tom and Padma the night before the flight to New Orleans. "Hey guys, how are you? My honeymoon was great, thanks. Listen, I hear you're doing the finale in New Orleans. Mind if I tag along?" And then I imagine Padma calling Toby and saying "Toby, please pack your notebook of pithy British phrases and go." And then we hear Tom yell in the background (because I like to imagine that they all party together away from judges table) "Don't let the door hit you in the ass, you pretentious douche!" And Gail laughs because she's drunk, just like always.
Things are just as they should be.
OBSERVATION #1: I don't know what I'm going to do when I have to watch Idol without Top Chef to temper my mood afterwards. But I did just get Kitchen Confidential (the failed sitcom with Bradley Cooper and Nicholas Brendon from a few years ago) DVDs in the mail today, so maybe that will help.
QUICKFIRE TWIST: Rainbow Brite's new haircut was nice. I'd like to introduce T*ts to some product. Or a scrunchy, because I don't actually know that much about women's hair products. But I do know about scrunchies.
I'm glad that Keanu got another chance, but part of me wonders if the producers told them he had to win so they could have another chance to film him changing shirts. And damned if he didn't change his shirt in the bathroom, while the camera guy waited outside. Ha!
OBSERVATION #2: Crawfish are creepy. Seriously creepy.
Hootie Hoo!: Oh Hootie. I can feel the love through the TV screen. I'm sorry I made fun of you in my very first recap. And probably my second and third. Your drink sounds strangely like my current favorite concoction of cranberry, Simply Lime, 7up and vodka. I know you don't like vodka - and I forgive you for it - because it makes me feel that we have something in common and that makes me happy. If you open a restaurant, I don't care where it is. I'm going.
Fabio: You know, I'm actually a little sad to see you go. But it took you far too long to come up with an alternate word for "sh!t" when whining about your car. (If you can't even come up with American slang, you shouldn't live here. After all - I mostly only remember the bad French words, unless you plan to ask me where to find the library or the disco.) Your fate was sealed with the decision to make Italian creole food. Is that what Emeril told you to do? No. You're lucky he didn't BAM! you right in the mohawk. Oh, and don't get me started on that pink scarf.
OBSERVATION #3: The producers are really setting us up for a Stefan elimination. Which leads me to believe it won't happen. Damn.
Canned Crab: Way to redeem yourself with the seafood. And for knowing what "roux" is (I'm totally remembering that for Word Twist). I now root for you not to win, but to beat Melonhead, because that will make him incredibly angry.
Keanu: Valiant effort, man. I wish you'd won, even if it meant Hootie wouldn't get a new car.
OBSERVATION #4: Let's just say it again - Gail! I threw my arms in the air and cried Hoo! when she showed up. And my hands literally stayed in the air for a good two minutes of cheering. I bet my neighbors will be glad when this season is over.
Melonhead: So close. And yet so far away. Thank you judges, for finally realizing that Melonhead is a cocky ass. (For those of you who don't know, I had to look up the word Suomi, visible on a t-shirt and a stupid knit cap - it means Finland. Although I was hoping it meant something like the words I know in French.)
OBSERVATION #5: Note to the producers: Screw Keanu. A dancing Hootie is always the best way to start an episode.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
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