Top Chef: Let the Games Begin (Episode 1 recap)

I thought I was going to have a hard time formulating opinions about this group since there were so many of them. I thought wrong. Luckily the website has all of their pictures in one handy page to aid in my judging. And don't worry. This is pretty short, considering, so you'll still have time to do work and stuff. Chefs are in alphabetical order of their real names, so if you can't figure out which nickname corresponds to which chef (and not everyone has one yet) look at the Bravo website.

OBSERVATION #1: Why do people from New York act like their city is the be all and end all of pretty much everything? I've been to New York. It's fine, but not the magical garden of wonder that everyone seems to imply it is. Chicago has just as many ethnic neighborhoods and grocery stores and they send people out to a pizza place for their first challenge? Boo.

Madras: Stop wearing plaid. Just stop it.

Ariane: Wow. The only reason you survived is because the kid was so lame and clearly not ready for this show. I'm guessing that the previews show you crying because that's the only camera time you're getting for as long as you're around.

Crazy: You're insane. And the sound of your voice is going to slowly drive me insane. Why don't you let your spirits guide you right out the door?

Danny: Aside from your inappropriate facial hair, you haven't offended me quite yet.

OBSERVATION #2: Padma is going extra casual for the Quickfire isn't she? I'll bet that one dude was disappointed.

Fabio: I don't understand what you're saying. I'm not convinced it's English. Thank god for subtitles. But I don't really get why you wrote your speech down for the end - I didn't see you read it once.

Little Rock: Lucky bastard. Even I know that tzatziki isn't Indian. I think Padma has a crush and that's why he made it through. Tom would never stand for someone being so stupid - I bet they edited out him telling Tattoos that he's an idiot.

Hosea: I can really imagine him snowboarding. How many times did he tell us he's from Colorado?

Rainbow Brite: Normally chicks with too many tattoos make me angry, but I have a soft spot for lesbians. And I appreciate that she doesn't want to chat while she's working.

OBSERVATION #3: I'm going to miss Gayle when she's gone. She's leaving soon to go get married. (Sidebar- Can you imagine how lucky that dude is? They probably get free food and wine everywhere they go.) They're replacing her with Simon Pegg, who, from what I can see, has no qualifications except for the fact that he knows what food is.

Keanu: Dude. Enough said.

Jill: Who?

Lauren: Sorry Lauren. Learn how to peel an apple.

Leah: I can tell I'm not going to like her. At all. And she looks like she just sucked on a lemon.

Bangs: Is it me, or does she really look like a man?

Patrick: Again. Learn how to peel an apple. There were two kids on Next Food Network Star and they were just as annoying with their "I want to share my food with the world" and a generous helping of "I learned so much in four years of culinary school, that I can totally compete with people who have a ton of experience, and you're mean if you disagree."

India: Don't say that you don't want to be pigeonholed into Indian cooking and then make your first dish with all kinds of Indian spices and acting like it's inspired. You're lucky the kids are so pad at peeling apples. Step up and stop looking bad for Chicago, OK?

GAY!!!: Can we dial it back just a bit? I don't need to know that you want to buy Tom a drink. Or three drinks. Settle down.

Emulsion: I don't know what an emulsion is either. Let's look it up: "An 'emulsion' is a mixture of two immiscible (unblendable) liquids." (Thanks Wikipedia.) Hmm. Sounds like a vinagrette to me. Pompous ass.

OBSERVATION #4: Oops. The new judge isn't Simon Pegg. It's Toby Young, who is played by Simon Pegg in the new movie How To Lose Friends and Alienate People. And it appears that he's a pompous ass as well. If you really want to hate him, read this link. And spare me any comments about how his sentiment may be kind of right. Some of his statements are just downright cold. I can't say I'm looking forward to him.