That's right - unless one of the contestants is planning to be a country artist, the steel has no business in the arrangement. Do you hear me, Rickey? They're trying to make these pop songs, and you are not helping.
Roughneck (Ain't Goin' Down Till the Sun Comes Up - Garth Brooks): This is an awesome song. It's even more awesome if you can understand the words. The voice teacher in me got angry and wrote OPEN YOUR DAMN MOUTH and then spent the entire song underlining it. Plus he breezed right through the awesome slide up to the money note which is the best part of the song. I'm skeptical, Roughneck. Skeptical.
Charo (Blame It on Your Heart - Patty Loveless): OK, you've all wanted me to be nicer to Little Miss Charo. And now it's happening. I had been tired of all the blatant Glocksen-ing, but tonight Charo gave me something different - and I liked it. It says a lot when an Idol cover of a song that I already enjoyed immensely doesn't make me physically angry. You're not getting my vote this week, but you're getting a pass.
OBSERVATION #1: Seriously, why hasn't anyone talked to these backup singers? They're awful.
Tender Puppy (To Make You Feel My Love - Garth Brooks): Props to Bob Dylan for writing a song that every artist known to man wants to cover. Still, I feel like this is kind of a cop out. Who hasn't sang this song? Since I already own five separate versions, including recordings by two Opry members and Kelly Clarkson, I'm not going to shell out 99 cents for you this week. It was nice - but I've spent the last 10 minutes singing "Tender Shepard" from Peter Pan, so maybe next time you go with something more memorable and Mraz-y. Don't make me feel bad for voting for you.
Lil Disappointing (Independence Day - Martina McBride): As soon as I heard the fateful words "I really wanted to stay faithful to the country music" I knew we were in for some bad news. Is this what all the hype was leading up to? Here's a thought: On a night when we're all already thinking about Carrie Underwood, maybe you don't choose her favorite song. I really hadn't written anything except "This would have been an ok R&B song" until Randy said the most asinine thing I've ever heard: "Man, you could have sung I Will Always Love You." What? WHAT?! That's the one song contestants should NEVER sing on country night. Because they will steal Whitney's version and will pay no respect to Dolly except for saying "It's a great song." (Ahem - Syesha - I'm talking to you.) And it's amazing that one three minute judges critique can make me lose all respect for Randy, and then gain even more for Simon for knowing about R&B groups covering John Michael Montgomery songs. In fact, Lil D, I'm so riled up (and annoyed at your incessant arguing) I've forgotten your performance. And hopefully, so has the rest of America.
WickedRaverSiriano (Ring of Fire - Johnny Cash): Oh come on. I'm with Randy Travis. This was weird. And creepy. And not good. I don't like the way you look at the camera when you're singing "it burns." I immediately wonder if you are talking about syphilis. (Note - I just looked up syphilis symptoms and there is NOTHING about a burning sensation. Now I am mad at you for your song and for ruining my commentary.) And while Randy was busy saying that you're current and young, I was busy underlining Simon's "indulgent rubbish" quote and following it with "Britney Spears would totally cover this song." And all of a sudden, everything becomes clear to me.
OBSERVATION #2: I miss Fringe.
Napoleon Blind-O-Mite (Wild Angels - Martina McBride): Did anyone else notice that for 95% of this performance, the screens on the floor and back wall only showed Napoleon's hands? That's because there is NOTHING GOING ON IN HIS FACE. Dude, I know you can't see, but you look like a robot. And if you had any of the charisma of Billy Joel or Elton John, then I would let you slide by every week behind the piano. But no - I am agreeing with Paula. You need to break it up with a different performance - and that way, maybe America will understand that you need to be eliminated.
Jane Mancini (Jolene - Dolly Parton): I was worried for you, Jane. Brooke White did a knock out version of this last season, and it just seems too soon. But I actually enjoyed most of this blues-y version. Not too Dolly, not too White Stripes, it was just the right amount of Joss Stone jazz (although that falsetto note was not so great - way to make me write "ish" after the word "nice" in my notes). But wait - the judges want you to be more dirrty? THAT'S SHOCKING. They're not going to be happy until you bust out some XTina and wear a nude bodysuit covered in rhinestones are they? My advice: lose the pink, dye it all red, and give us a little less Jane and a little more Sydney. It doesn't get dirtier than that.
Dead Wife Downey Jr. (Jesus, Take the Wheel - Carrie Underwood): Stop trying to inspire me DWD. And tuck in your shirt. This was better than when La Kisha made a big ol' country mess of it a few years ago, but I'm still only focusing on the fact that this week's glasses are a lot more normal than in past weeks. Thank you.
OBSERVATION #3: Yes, I remember a lot of the performances from the past seasons, especially if I downloaded them. But sometimes they just sound familiar and I have to look them up. God love the internet.
Slumdog Idol (You Were Always on My Mind - Willie Nelson): Guess what? Willie Nelson? Not in the Opry. Which makes this cheating. Because so far, I haven't been able to find proof that Johnny even recorded it - I think he just played the guitar for Willie on VH-1 Storytellers. (Which brings about the question, why isn't Willie a member? Is he just too high for the Opry?) Anyway. I started to like this song at first...I even thought maybe I'd buy it on the I-tunes. And then it just turned way too All-4-One for me. You know, the guys who covered the aforementioned JMM tracks "I Swear" and "I Can Love You Like That." Do people still go for that John B vibe? I'm not so sure.
BlondBjork (Walking After Midnight - Patsy Cline): How is it that there has been no tattoo backlash a la Carly? Is it because we don't see a boyfriend in the audience who has a completely inked-in face? Interesting. Wait. Right. Song. Um, sure this was good. And the voice sounded strangely like Katie Neidenbach's when she came in from a long night of drinking and smoking at the Pike house. Which is why it was perfect that the judges got all Dr. Barton and asked her to keep it. (He actually told all of us to keep our sick voices, which just goes to show...well, nothing really. But it's good to know he's not alone.) I'm wondering if the sexy dress and the raising of the roof are enough to keep you around for one more week.
Howl At the Moon: (So Small - Carrie Underwood):
OBSERVATION #4: Are men's necklaces back in? Was there some sort of memo?
SHOULD GO: Napoleon and/or Lil Dis
WILL GO: Roughneck
P.S. Special thanks to MJ for posting the order and the correct song titles, so I didn't have rely on Seacrest to tell me the real titles.
No comments:
Post a Comment