Idol Top 11 Results: In Which Carrie Is Attacked By Fashion

Last night I got my eyes dilated about 30 minutes before watching the results show, so sitting down and typing out a recap wasn't going to happen. Instead I chose to focus on my new bottle of mango infused vodka (refreshing with a nice splash of lemonade).

GROUP SONG: I'm glad a Travis Tritt made it onto the show this year. I was worried that with no true country singers in the cast that his down home mullett-y good times would be ignored. Oh, but then they started singing - and we learn that Travis Tritt is not meant to be performed by a co-ed ensemble. I did my best to block out the singing (although the harmonies during the girls' verse were nice) and the step touch and focus on the fact that Napoleon's piano WAS NOT MIC-ED. That's right kids, the cool piano licks you heard? Not played by him. So now he's got a ghost pianist in the band. Awesome. Let's keep fooling America as long as we can, ok?

JUDGMENT: Two nights in a row of semi-normal glasses for DWDJr. But this brings to mind the question - just how many pairs does he own? Is he spending his weekly allowance on frames?

CAMEOS: Love to Brad Paisley, but couldn't he rock something a little harder for Idol? A weepy ballad is not the way to drive record sales.

I think it's nice to bring out former Idols. It shows the current cast just how it should be done - and how much they are seriously lacking. But I worry. Who is going to pull out the Kenley Collins Hair Feather(TM) so they can be more like Carrie? (My bet is on WickedSiriano.) Since I don't like to make fun of Carrie, I will say that I enjoy the new haircut, enjoy the song, but wonder why Randy actually needed to be there? What did he sing? Like 24 bars? Clearly it was transposed to hit Carrie's money notes, so if it's too high for you, man, just sit there and play the guitar. None of us will mind. In fact, we'll feel better not thinking that the two of you are in love. (Randy's looking old, dawg.)

RESULTS: Roughneck dodged a bullet, huh? Apparently the people love him. Next week, I fully expect him to come out waving an American flag. I'm only a little sad that Jane had to go...my Manic Panic stock is going to plummet.

NEXT WEEK: Did Seacrest sound a little mad at the President for preempting the Tuesday show? I think he did. Maybe he really likes to watch Grey's Anatomy on Thursday nights.