American Idol 25-36: I Still Have Feelings For Molly

Because, the real question is, will anyone be talking about Idol tomorrow morning, or will we continue to spend all of our time at the water cooler discussing the douchebaggery of The Bachelor? Because when I pushed the stop button on my Idol viewing tonight and went back to live tv, Jason had his arm around Molly and they looked awfully chummy as Chris gave them the tent from the camping episode.

And all this does is prove that I also watch The Bachelor. Oh well. Let's get to the judgment.

VON SMITH (aka That Kid Who Sings Really Loud): Could anyone else tell that he really wanted to let loose and belt out that entire song. Snaps for fighting against that urge. Red shoes aside, this wasn't bad. But I couldn't help wondering where I'd heard this song before. And then I remembered: Kelly sang it on season 1. (No, I'm not saying he shouldn't have sung this song - Kelly does not own it - I just have no idea who sang it originally aside from her.) But because Von decided to make that stupid phone sign with his hand, I am going to listen to the 1:38 recording of Kelly's performance just to be spiteful.

TAYLOR VAIFANUA: This was so boring that I let my mind wander. Why does Alicia Keys insist on forcing two words to share one syllable? I would now like to point out that "I" and "ain't" are two separate words. And while we're on the subject (and to save me from complaining about it later) "what I feel for you" sounds too much like "what I'm feel for you" which then leads me to wonder if she's also combining the "ing" in feeling with "for" to make the sentence grammatically correct. Then again, maybe I'm trying to give Alicia too much credit - she's always going to be the person that stole the Grammy from India.Arie, and in case you hadn't noticed, I'm not one to give up grudges.

ALEX W-T: Well, the judges pretty much covered all of my notes (Why are you growling?) so I'll focus on telling America not to vote for the second coming of TAYLOR HICKS. Dude is Teen Angel now. Are you happy America? (Was anyone else creeped out when AW-T sang "thunder under the cover"? Ew.)

Observation #1: Here's a good time to take a survey: why do the backup singers suck so royally this year? I wonder if I would have been less hard on Charo if her backup had been as good as Carrie's.

ARIANNA AFSAR: Sad. I wanted to like her. But Meryl Streep performed this song better. And that's not saying much.

JU'NOT JOYNER: From the Wikipedia: "In current English usage, contraction is shortening of a word, syllable, or word group by omission of internal letters." Which makes me wonder - what letters are supposed to be between the U and the N? For example, my friend Maria-Alicia decided it would be fun to go by M'Alicia. See what she did there? Makes sense. Ju'Not does not make sense. (Nor do the handcuffs you are inexplicably wearing on your belt loop.) Whatev - this was a good performance. I voted for you four times and I bought in on the I-Tunes (my first purchase of the season). You're welcome.

KRISTIN MCNAMARA: This is not a good song for Idol. (Although I love the song and even enjoyed Jordin's performance from years ago, she really dodged a bullet.) Tracy sings like six notes in the whole song - and changing keys every verse is just cheating. And this is coming from a man who wells up for a really good key change. But I will give you a pass, Stretch Pants, because you got rid of the manic panic, which means I had at least one week with no kool-aid red hair to look at.

NATHANIEL MARSHALL (aka Olivia Piercing Headband): Is America ready for you? No. At least, I'm not ready for you. Since your performance was complete crap (but your grandma likes it!), and Simon stole my joke (my note read "I have a hard time believing there's something you won't do for love"), I am only left with the look. Sigh. I suppose I could get past the American Apparel deep v-neck - wait, no I can't. It looks like you're wearing a tank top. That, combined with your preposterous use of headbands (why? why?!?!), is the reason that Simon compared you to Olivia Newton John (not Elton John, Randy - although I wouldn't put it past that dude to wear headbands). My only other question: who were you pointing at when you were singing?

FELICIA BARTON (aka Fuax-anna Pacitti): I'm having a hard time accepting you, but I'm trying. Your voice has an interesting Natasha Bedingfield quality - you know, where it's not actually a "good" voice, per se, but there's something about it that's pleasing to the ear. I'm not sure what it is.

Observation #2: Ricky and the band suck this year too. Let's hope when the band is no longer hidden behind a screen, they won't sound so much like the karaoke machine at a Chinese restaurant.

SCOTT MACINTYRE: I'm not feeling it. I don't like this song. (What the hell is Bruce Hornsby saying?) Do I think you move mountains? No. But it was better than I thought it would be. The only way you could get more sympathy votes is if you'd sang God Bless America.

KENDALL BEARD: Speaking of, Kendall should have taken a page from the Krappy Lee Suck playbook and sang God Bless the USA. She would have literally sailed into the Top 12, quite possibly on an American flag. But since she chose to be your regular average blond country Idol contestant (i.e. Carrie, Pickler, Krappy Lee) and sing a Martina McBride song, she's going to have to hope that the Nation of Underwood wants a country singer in the Top 12 bad enough to make the calls. I'm thinking it's not going to happen.

JORGE NUNEZ: I'm sorry that my character map doesn't have a capital ñ key for me to spell your name correctly. I'm also sorry that you can't see what would make you a shoo-in for the Top 12: sing some Ricky Martin. There has never been a Latin Idol. Find your niche - otherwise you're just a few months away from performing in a Mexican tour of Spam-a-lot. Yes, this performance was good, but I don't think you're moving any mountains either.

THE BEST SINGER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, NO REALLY, YOU MUST LOVE HER, SHE MIGHT BE THE SECOND COMING (aka Lil Rounds): Really? The closing spot? It's almost as if the producers are telling us to vote for you. Shocking. Don't you worry. Even though I barely understood a single word you sang (it's called "diction"), America has been waiting to make up for their past transgressions, and Syesha was way more Vonzell than JHud. Welcome to the Top 12. (P.S. Don't think I didn't notice you AGAIN changing the lyrics to the song to pimp yourself out to the voting public. Lame.)

TOP TWO: Lil & Scott (although I think Ju'Not deserves it more)
#3: Felicia or Jorge

WILD CARD PREDICTIONS

From Week 1: Braddy (Tight Pants), Anoop (Slumdog Idol)
From Week 2: Jasmine, Giraud (Howl at the Moon), Megan Joy
From Week 3: Ju'Not (Apostrophe), Arianna (Shiny Button), Kristin