Idol Top 7: Well, At Least It Wasn't Mulan

Oh wait. HSM3 already treated us to that little ditty (Reflections - gag) in the semis. And do we wonder why she didn't make it? Actually, at this point, I'm wondering how half of this cast made it. Tonight's performance episode was almost like a contest to see who could get me to do other things to distract myself the fastest.

OBSERVATION #1 - I'm still mad that I had to go and watch the rest of last week's Fringe on my computer. It's just not the same. And cutting the absurd judges' entrance was probably a good plan. But only letting two judges talk for each contestant? And making Kara and Randy go at the same time? That's practically guaranteeing that half of the contestants will get virtually no constructive criticism. But whatever. The less people fawning over WickedRaver, the better.

Charo - "Don't Want to Miss a Thing" - Aerosmith (from Armageddon) - I'm on board. Believe me. But I had a brief Overmeyer flashback during this performance. Crazy hair, growl - the only difference? I don't believe that Charo got her voice from smoking too much crack.

Slumdog Fratboy - "Everything I Do" by Bryan Adams (from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves) - Yawn. I like this better when Brandy sings it. You hear me Slumdog? I like BRANDY circa 1998 better than you.

WickedRaverSiriano - "Born to be Wild" by Steppenwolf (from Easy Rider) - I do not want to get into a car with WickedRS - because he only has two gears: 1st and Overdrive. And even when he's driving in first, he somehow manages to grind the gears. And not in a good way (much like this metaphor). Seriously, do you think you're the second coming of Axl Rose? Because we've seen that dude reincarnated, and it's not a pretty sight. This was nothing more than loud, crazy karaoke. STOP SCREAMING ON MY TV. And Paula - STOP SALIVATING.

Dueling Unicorns - "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman" by Bryan Adams (from Don Juan Demarco) - Wait, this sounds familiar. Right - Daughtry sang it back in the day. And he sang it better. Or at least he didn't try to take away the Latin flavor of the song; he understood that Bryan Adams is a rock singer (easy listening, yes, but still - rock). This wasn't great - much as I want you to do better than other people on this show. Please stop being so spotty, ok?

Dead Wife Sonny Crockett Jr. - "Endless Love" by Diana Ross (from Endless Love) - You know I love a good harp solo. But this was neither the time nor the place. And please stop singing songs that make all of us realize that you're picturing your dead wife. It's just as bad as your friends holding up her picture.

MayerMatthewsMraz - "Falling Slowly" Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova (from Once) - Ok. This song would not go away for months. And it was finally off the radar. You know I'm a fan, dude, but did you really have to bring it back? OK, go ahead with the comments, people. I'm the only person in the world to not go nuts for this song on the Oscars last year. Yes, it was mildly cute when the girl got to come back out and thank people, and their modesty is refreshing, but come on. What a boring song. Fine. I'll buy it on the I-Tunes. Now leave me alone.

OBSERVATION #2 - Why am I suddenly in the mood for some Robin Thicke? I don't even like Robin Thicke. And yet I am downloading like crazy. Do you see what you're doing to me, Idol?

Low Expectations - "The Rose" by Bette Midler (from The Rose) - You know, I was merely cringing at your gospel Bette. But then you decided to open your mouth and CUT INTO FRINGE AGAIN. But even if we were running on time, did you really think that arguing was the way to win votes? Your hair-of-many-styles heyday had better be waning. I think you've got at least another week in you (sorry, Slumdog) but I would like you to go away. Soon.

SHOULD GO: Low Expectations
WILL GO: Slumdog Fratboy