American Idol Top 11 Results: The Day the Producers Try To Make Things Too Dramatic

"Another Idol Must Fall?" Oh come on, Simon. We know who's going home. Don't act like there's going to be scandal. And don't act like the judges are going to use the save. Please.

GROUP SONG: Oh. Wow. I don't even know what to do with this. I'm going to ignore the fact that My Favorite Pen looks like he's walking to his funeral (in an inexplicable Fonzie costume?) and focus on the fact that Ginger looks like she's decided to throw in the towel and have fun at the supreme absurdity of this situation. That's what you have to do, kids.

JUDGMENT: Big Love's friends are crazy/completely what I expected. Stop putting them on TV. I'd rather look at Randy's crazy Ann Taylor sweater.

SIDEBAR #1: Why is Ryan making Pencil and Shirtless stand into the commercial break? That's just weird. Not cruel...weird.

CAMEOS: So no Idol alums were available this week? They don't all have to be winners. Kims Caldwell and Locke both have awesome new singles. Why not bring them back? Don't make me sit through Teen Disney. Now that's cruel.

Miley Cyrus - It's always fun to watch performances like this and wonder if the "singer" would make it through to the next week, or even if they would have made it through Hollywood week (I'm talking to you Colbie Callait). Because this isn't good news. But maybe...it's better than last year's performance of The Climb? Nope, I couldn't even type that with a straight face. Keep singing, Miley. I need a refill.

Demi + Jonas - (Does that make this performance a half Jonas?) I don't know why I thought this might not be awful. Demi's constant hip thrust & leg bob combo made me turn away from my tv, but then her attempts at those popstar runs made me cover my ears. Someone's been listening to XTina's "Keep On Singin' My Song" a little too much. Or maybe not enough. Tough call. Thank god this song was mercifully short.

CONFUSION: Mini Sitch might be taking this Ellen look too far. It took me a while to figure out who the lesbian in the cowboy boots was, sitting on the end of the bottom row. If he shows up with a douchescarf (come on, Ellen) next week, I'm going to get on the phone to the stylists.

PATHETIC: Crazy Cay Lady doesn't want to hold your hand, Seacrest. Don't force it.

TENSION: Gangsta & Dakota Fanning - OK, Dakota. Way to copy Ginger's "I listen to me" sentiment. That can only be said once per episode. Pay attention. Sorry, what? Oh right. Either one of you could go. Whatev.

BOTTOM 3: You're No Kimberley Locke, Abs Fauxfron and Dakota. Shocking.

JUDGES' SAVE: Ha.

NEXT WEEK: Usher should be a major improvement on Hannah M. But be warned: "I Heard It Through The Grapevine" appears twice on the list of approved songs for next week. Be afraid. Be very afraid. And stock up on gin.