American Idol Top 12: The Day Simon Buys a New Sweater

Yes. I neglected to write anything about the third semi-final round. And about the Top 12. You know why? Because I am sad. I am sad to have lost Alex Lambert and Katelyn Epperly. That's right - I'm so sad that I'm not even giving them some sort of snarky nickname (even though they're only created out of love). I won't go so far as to say "This is the worst season of Idol ever!" because I'm tired of hearing that every year. This season has its good and its bad - just like every other season. Did some good people go home? Yes. Did some people who should have gone home stick around? Yes. Oh well. Let's get to the judgment for our first finals round.

Big Poppa (Miss You) The first thing I notice, aside from your wallet chain (what's with you and the wallet chains this year, stylists? Stoppit.) and your weird sleeveless thing/tapered jeans, is your inexplicable tribute to Scott Stapp. We do not need to stand like the cross. Ok, that notwithstanding, and without me liking the Rolling Stones very much at all, this was a good performance. As Kara surprisingly eloquently put it (ugh, I'm quoting Kara) you were full of swagger, style and attitude.

SIDEBAR #1: Woah Ryan, settle down. That was kind of bordering on inappropriate.

Crazy Cat Lady (Play With Fire) Yes. This was Didi's best performance since Hollywood week. Although I will have to argue with Ellen that the word "fire" was actually spread out over four syllables. The only thing I will complain about is the song (sorry, Mick): it just reminds me of "Walk Through the Fire" from Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Once More With Feeling. Yes, that was written after this song, but I like it better. So there.

The Shirtless Wonder (It's All Over Now) - This is what Constantine was trying to be: sexy and rocker, except it just came off creepy and Broadway. But SW is pulling it off, with a little help from some awesome guitar skills. And it helps that you're from the south - you're going to reel in the votes. I say Top 6. (But I'll agree with Simon just a little bit - there could definitely have been more. Get yourself a cordless pickup and rock the stage Bo Bice-style.)

SIDEBAR #2: I love you, Ellen.

Pink Shampoo (Ruby Tuesday) - Sorry Nikki (and I brought this up last season with Charo - Vanessa Olivarez, Amy Adams, Gina Glocksen, and on some occasions, Jessica Sierra and even Jordin) your hair is not going to cover up the fact that you're not terribly engaging on stage and your voice just gets swallowed up in that big space, especially when you are flat. The swaying hands completely covered you up. Simon's right - you have to try something new if we don't want another Rockin' Robin situation on our hands. Oh, PS: I didn't love the string quartet, and really don't understand that corset.

SIDEBAR #3: I hate when The Dawg says "best of the night so far" when there have been only three performances.

Gangsta Gokey (Gimme Shelter) - Wallet. Chain. Come on. That's all I am remembering from this performance, except for the fact that I did not like it. This was the opposite of intense. (Oh thanks, Kara, for taking the words out of my mouth. Rude.)

Rory Waldorf (Wild Horses) - What the hell? Are those wings? Oh. Never mind. Anyway. I feel that I've said this before. I love a nice alto voice. But I only love it when it sings the low notes really well. And this low stuff was not great. Higher notes? Yes, they were better. But still not my favorite.

Abs Fauxfron (Under My Thumb) - I'm going to ignore your weird Jason Mraz/reggae version of this song (or maybe that's the way the original sounds, but I doubt it) and just focus on your biceps in the tight henley. (Good job on this one, stylists.) Oh, except that's all there is. I suppose, props for a different arrangement - but Mraz would rock this hardcore. And you did not.

Big Love (Paint It Black) - No, I have not yet forgiven you for your poor McPheever impersonation two weeks ago. I'm also not going to forgive you for your combat boots/prom dress combo. Or the fact that this arrangement was already by Vanessa Carlton. And she didn't sound like she needed a Claritin D. Your screechy high notes are only going to get you so far in this competition.

SIDEBAR #4: Judges - no. Even you, Simon. No. That was not good.

My Main Man (Beast of Burden) - Although I don't love this song as a song, as a performance it totally worked for me. I would buy this as a single...but I don't know that I'd play it over and over again. Simon's right - rock it out next week. For me, ok? Please?

You're No Kimberley Locke (Honky Tonk Woman) - Kimberley would have rocked this Band of Gold style. I disliked the performance even more than I dislike your leggings/safari extravaganza. And I'm not going to spend any more time on it. (Oh and Ellen? Yes - we can tell she was struggling.)

Mini Situation (Angie) - FYI: My friend Erica selected this name based solely on the spike. And then you got rid of it in favor of an Ellen fauxhawk. That's just rude. Anyway. Is that a leather shirt, Situation? I can't even...the hair, the out of rhythm shaking of the hips...never mind. It sounds fine. I'm not...Ugh.

SIDEBAR #5: Crying dad. Come on producers, did Ginger really need the help?

Ginger Vitis (You Can't Always Get What You Want) - OK fine. I'm on board. I just needed you to really rock it out Jewel-style. But remember - Jewel never fixed her teeth. Whiten all you want, but don't forget where you came from, Ginger.

SIDEBAR #6: You got it Ellen. Less thinking. More drinking. BRB.

SHOULD GO: YNKL (Paige) or Pink Shampoo (Lacey)
WILL GO: Pink

Tomorrow night - An appearance by Cook! Bring it!