I've always wondered why they continue to make the girls go first each week. This is a nice change, one that I'm sure Ginger somehow planned. (I wrote that before Seacrest's announcement. Not that I feel bad for saying that she planned it - but feel better soon, Ginger!)
That said - this could be a mess. Much like Big Poppa lifting the small child in his clip montage. Wow. We're off to a good start.
Big Poppa (Michael Lynche) - "This Is a Man's World" by James Brown: Any song that prominently features a hammond is going to be a good time. No, this performance didn't show a ton of vocal range - but it was the absolute best way to start out this show. (I actually just had to delete the phrase "Rock on, Big Poppa!" I'm sorry I even thought it.) Ha! Pedicure. Winning.
Dead Eyes Undershirt (John Park) - "Gravity" by John Mayer: Remember what I said about the hammond? I lied. This was not a good time. The thing about John Mayer - he's really floppy on stage, but he makes it seem so effortless. Not only was this just as dead as last week, but it (wow, I'm quoting the Dawg) was nowhere near as good as the original. And that's what I want here. Change it up, dude. Make it sound like something new. Repeating the word "gravity" a few times in a bar that was meant to be full of rests is not enough.
The Shirtless Wonder (Casey James) - "I Don't Wanna Be" by Gavin DeGraw: The fact that I knew what song you were going to played simply by Ryan naming the list of previous contestants who have sung it, means one of two things: A) This song needs to be retired or B) I watch too much Idol. And ok, the axe is a nice touch, but you're missing the vocal awesomeness of an Elliot or a Bo. Hold on to that guitar - you're going to need it.
SIDEBAR #1: Did Kara just call herself a cougar? When she has her hair all blown out like that? Inappropriate.
Mullet Bieber/Lucky To Be Here (Alex Lambert) - "Everybody Knows" by John Legend: Let's just breeze past the mention of vomit/your weird secret language/that plaid jacket. With a slight pause at the mullet (come on stylists - work your magic), I'll say that this was pretty darn good, especially after last week. You have a great vocal quality. Bring it - but don't give us that questionable final note, ok? Just keep it up - stick around for another week or two.
SIDEBAR #2: I love that Ellen keeps bringing up both the banana and the mullet. I have no idea what is going on. Maybe I need more chardonnay.
So You Think You Can Dance (Todrick Hall) - "What's Love Got To Do With It?" by Tina Turner: You don't want to be compared to Tina? Don't sing it in her octave. God, you might as well be wearing fringe. And what's with singing female songs two weeks in a row and giving it some sort of weird R&B "arrangement"? I need you to step it up, because you have to stick around longer than DB Bus Driver. (However, I do not need this enough to vote for you.) Stoppit.
Douchebag Bus Driver (Jermaine Sellers) - "What's Going On?" by Marvin Gaye: Onesy and White Sox hat. God. I'm done...Nope. Wait - there's more. Please learn to freaking talk: you are making Joliet look worse than it already does. Ohhhhhh. Why do you keep giving me ammunition? Skinny jeans/bow tie/fauxhawk/Ann Taylor cardigan. I just can't even...ok fine. You're a better singer than SYTYCD. But that doesn't mean you're good. Stop with the slapdashery and the runs and nonsense.
Straight Up Gangsta (Andrew Garcia) - "You Give Me Something" by James Morrison: The thing about James Morrison is that he's not usually flat. Like you were for this entire performance. I'm willing to forgive the scarf. But not the flatness. We're expecting better out of you. Much much better than this.
SIDEBAR #3 - Man everyone is really lovin' on the James Morrison. Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy - but two songs in two weeks? Weird. Unless they're trying to get him as a guest. (If that's true, producers - please bring in Nelly Furtado too - that duet is killer.)
SIDEBAR #4 - I would kill for some chips and salsa right now.
Chicken Little 2.8 (Aaron Kelly) - "My Girl" by The Temptations: Was that? Wait. Was that? Almost...sexy? It could be the chardonnay talking. Normally I'm not a fan of chardonnay. It's usually a little too oaky for my taste. I expect my white wine to have a bit of sweetness. Much like I expected this performance to be sweeter and more...childlike. Either that or I could have enjoyed a cute "Part Time Lover" sort of vibe - something where we spend a majority of our time saying "Oh can you believe he sang that?" Don't throw things off by singing well and performing well and...oh fine. Whatever.
Zac FauxFron (Tim Urban) - "Come On Get Higher" by Matt Nathanson: Wise - staying away from all the falsetto notes in this song. Also wise? The tight t-shirt. Because after all the shirtless and the popwatch and the publicity - you're through to the next round. Yes - this wasn't much better than that one guy I heard at the Potbelly that one time. But it was still way better than last week.
The Recipient of Most of My Votes (Lee Dewyze) - "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder: Good song. Relevent. Modern. And I'm forgiving all of your floppy knit caps, because you're my number one guy right now. Please don't let me down. Don't let Chicago down. DON'T LET US DOWN. No pressure.
SIDEBAR #5: Thank god Bo Bice pioneered the "walking around with the mic stand" movement. Otherwise, what would all the rockers do on this stage?
SHOULD GO: Douchebag Bus Driver & SYTYCD
SHOULD BE WORRIED: Dead Eyes Undershirt & Straight Up Gangsta
WILL GO: Dead Eyes & SYTYCD
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
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