Don't worry, I brought the bottle into the living room.
Redneck Woman (Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You by Kellie Pickler) - Let me say right now how sorry I am. I think I jinxed it by mentioning Pickler so much over the past few weeks. And the pink streaks. And RANDY'S STUPID PINS. God, Sunday was a long day.
I digress. To quote the pin-master, that was a hot performance. Credit where it's due.
ABSTJD (Love the Way You Lie by Skylar Grey) - What does "especially Phillip Phillips" mean? Is there some animosity? But more importantly, why are we crediting Skylar Grey with this song? Are we not allowed to Eminem or Rihanna? (Yes, those are verbs.)
And now it just hit me. There's nothing unique about this dude in the Idol universe, except maybe his hair (which is absurd). Because David Cook was rocking this way long before ABSTJD's very first audition. And did David have to wear skinny pants, a deep V and some sort of weird long jacket thing? No. If Simon were still around, he would have made the comparison. I'm not fooled by you, Lesser Cook. I'm not fooled.
SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW - More duets? OK. MM was right. This was not so great for him. This just teaches us a lesson: do not let yourself be forced to do something by someone who wears these. I give this a B.
SIDEBAR #1: Wait. If I keep mentioning McPheever, does that mean she'll show up later? Let's test that theory.
Jasmine 2.0 (Stuttering by Jazmine Sullivan) - Using stairs to get down from the piano is a cop out. You have to step on the piece of wood next to the keyboard, then the bench, and then the floor. Yes, I've done this before. Wait. She never actually got down during the song, did she? Then don't put the stairs in front. Cop-out.
Right. Song. Who's Jazmine Sullivan? And who is that girl behind Randy that keeps smiling with her mouth wide open? She's terrifying.
Mantasia (Runaway Baby by Bruno Mars) - Wow. I did not expect that. To be honest, when Seacrest said that the song was by Bruno Mars, I was not looking forward to what I assumed would be a watered down version is Grenade or Marry You or that other one that makes all the girls cry. Something about being beautiful. And when Bruno performed this on the Grammys, I actually assumed that it was an old James Brown song that I just didn't know.
So the point it, that was awesome. Best performance from Mantasia to date. Keep it up that way, and there might not be a George Huff-type outcome.
SIDEBAR #2: Steven's playing pimp now? When he's NOT wearing a hat? Confusing.
SIDEBAR #3: I need Randy to stop telling Ryan that certain people "have to have it".
SIDEBAR #4: There are romance rumors about RW and Lesser Cook? I seriously doubt that.
DON'T YOU WANNA STAY - No. I'm not ok with this. Unless you have a Kelly Clarkson range (and no one does) you shouldn't be attempting to sing this song. Unless the intention was to be flat the whole time. If so, then awesome job. (P.S. to Tommy Hilfiger - HOW DID YOU LET LC OUT OF THE MANSION LOOKING LIKE THAT?!)
Seriously? Randy's the only one who was listening? Ugh.
Never mind. He thought RW's notes were sharp. When they were clearly flat. Ok then.
So Small (Perfect by Pink) - The Celine-isms are starting to kill me. I fast forwarded through the hometown nonsense. Is SS from Vancouver or something? That said, this was probably her best performance so far. Perfect? No. Just better than it's been. Good sustained note at the end. But J.Lo isn't optimistic. And I don't like how that feels.
Matthew Matthews (Give a Little More by Maroon 5) - Love him, of course. But J.Lo is right. It sounds the same every week. Great arrangement of a great song...but you can't just arrange every song you get in the exact same way. Come on, dude. Do better.
SIDEBAR #5: I'm feeling a shocking elimination coming on. And then I might be feeling a Judge's Save coming on.
STRONGER - Are you kidding me? Two Kelly songs in one episode? NONE OF YOU CAN SING THIS SONG. STOP RUINING IT WITH THOSE CRAPPY HARMONIES. GOD. MAKE IT STOP. MAKE. THIS. STOP.
This is the worst thing I've seen this season. Maybe ever. I do not think it's going to make me stronger. It's just going to make me drink harder.
AND WHY ARE THE JUDGES NOT SAYING HOW BAD THIS REALLY WAS? YOU'RE PROUD OF THEM, J.LO? THAT'S ALL YOU'VE GOT?!
SIDEBAR #6: Dammit. They made me spill my wine.
Stevie's Kindred Spirit (You & I by Lady Gaga) - You had me, until you chose to say "You know what I'm talking about" towards the backup singers. And until I noticed stupid floppy hat guitar player flopping around behind you. Also, that dress is dumb. Yes, the song was fine, but your speaking, your guitar player and your dress are all dumb.
SIDEBAR #7: Well, so much for this bottle.
Bottom Three: So Small, Lesser Cook, Jennifer Hudson
Should Go: So Small
GROUP PERFORMANCE (Raise Your Glass by Pink) - All right. I will.
SIDEBAR #8: Just realized there are seven people left. So it's probably time for the two groups of three and the embarrassing moment where the seventh sits on the floor in the middle of the groups, a la Arch-tastic.
SIDEBAR #9: Oh, ok. There's a Part 3 of Love the Way You Lie?
SIDEBAR #10: Is it the wine talking, or does Steven look kind of like Diane Keaton tonight?
JAMES DURBIN (the real one) - Wow. Scraping the bottom of the barrel this week, eh producers? Was Lisa Tucker not available? Also, that's not a microphone.
JHUD & AKON - OK, I feel kind of bad for that Bottom 3 crack earlier. But not a lot. Because I've never seen the appeal with JHud. And don't get me started on that Oscar. Or the fact that it looks like she's chewing gum tonight.
SIDEBAR #11: I kind of knew in my heart that Matthew Matthews was going to wind up in the bottom. But I couldn't bear to actually put him there.
SHOCKER: Wow.
SIDEBAR #12: You've seen this happen before, Randy. Lots of times. Remember Season 3 with LaToya, JHud and Fantasia? And how many freaking times have you said that America's gotten it wrong? Are you kidding me?
JUDGE'S SAVE: Good God, J.Lo. Did you have to be that forceful? (Although it's good that we stopped that frightened massacre of Deborah Cox's best song. Did J2.0 every actually sing this song? Did I miss this during all the drinking?
SIDEBAR #13: Oh. Darn.
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