Idol 11: Ten Episodes in One Day (Week 3)

WEEK 3: Billy Joel - Why is Diddy the guest mentor for Billy Joel week? That doesn't make any sense. And why are you arguing? And talking about Christie Brinkley? WHAT IS GOING ON?

And we're doing makeovers this week? I know I've moved to the second pitcher of mimosas, but did I also accidentally stumble into an episode of ANTM? Is someone going to have to shave their head later? Will someone get a weave? I can't wait.

This Woman's Work (Only the Good Die Young) - From Wikipedia "The song was controversial for its time, with the lyrics describing a boy who tries to convince a Catholic girl who is a virgin to have sex with him." Huh. Who knew? Just like a few people last week, this was decent background music while I spent my time googling things.

Pink Streaks 11.0 Felicity (New York State of Mind) - Well, I'm glad the streaks are gone. They were getting more and more Overmeyer as time passed and I was starting to be concerned. The new look definitely gave Felicity some confidence and this performance was the best one I've seen from her.

SIDEBAR #1: This is the second time I've seen a pianist play from an iPad. I want one.

Mantasia (She's Got a Way) - Hm. This is my goto Billy Joel song. So I don't know if I love the gospel choir treatment. At some point it just turns into screaming.

Darn. My champagne flute just shattered. But if it wasn't the screeching, then it might have been me knocking it off the table. One of the two.

Redneck Woman (Shameless) - Cheating. Garth Brooks already countrified this song. But I love a pedal steel, so I'll let it slide this time.

What I'm not going to let slide? That backup singer's stupid outfit. From hat to glasses to vest, it's just bad bad news. Bad. Like, seriously bad.

Ha. Randy was pitchy again tonight, when he decided to announce that Brad Paisley had covered this ("Oh I forgot Garth did it too"). Just checked. Nope. Only Garth. Good job, Jackson.

Another Ill-Advised Hat (Vienna) - Nope. Not feeling it this week either. And if you want America to keep you out of the bottom three again, maybe choose a song that everyone knows. And don't do that weird hand thing when you're changing notes in a run.

I like a nice accordion, though. So there's that.

Matthew Matthews (Movin' Out) - Yessssss. Love this arrangement. (Sorry, Jenni.) I'm already imagining Randy hating it, though.

Well, look at that. Sometimes Jackson surprises you. What's not surprising? His insistence on wearing ANOTHER STUPID PIN. God, Randy. Is your niece trying to launch a jewelry business? Enough already.

SIDEBAR #2 - Please no one sing Piano Man.

Very Tiny (Honesty) - Oh look. She just naturally has those Celine vowels. And this has a very Toni Braxton Unbreak My Heart sort of vibe, especially with the pedestal. (We know she's short. You don't have to make her stand on a box like she's Tom Cruise.) But here's the problem - a good tone and powerful lungs don't make a difference if you can't sing all the notes properly. This was rough.

SIDEBAR #3 - Yeah! That chick! She's the one I was talking about last week. Er, last hour. Or last pitcher. Um. What?

Rolly's (Some Song That I'm Going To Ignore Because I Hate His Stupid Floppy Hat and the STUPID SKIT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE PERFORMANCE) - No.
Jasmine 2.0 (Everybody Has a Dream) - I don't know this song. Does Billy gospel it up like that? It was fine. Just not very Joel. And luckily, far better than Trias ever was.

ABSTJD (Piano Man) - Dammit. Jerk. And why are you squeaking so much?

SHOULD GO: Rolly's.

GROUP PERFORMANCE (The Longest Time) - How did they get the audience to actually snap in the correct time? That's hard to do. Also, this performance doesn't make me want to throw things. I might even go so far to say that it's good. Maybe getting rid of that other vocal coach was a good move - because these harmonies are far better than usual.

LANA DEL RAY - Who? Is that Mena Suvari? And is she wearing a tutu? I have no idea what she's saying. Plus, please stop with the videos - you're going to give someone a seizure. And then they'll be lulled into a coma, because this song is about to put me to sleep.

Even though I love a pizzicato string.

No, I just can't. This is the longest song in the world.

JOE PERRY: Man, that dude is looking rough. And Overmeyered. (P.S. to producers - Comic Sans is not appropriate for national television.)

HALEY REINHART: Why is she in a cage? I mean, I get it, but why? I don't want to listen to this. She didn't win. Why is she here? Are none of the winners available this season?

BOTTOM THREE: Rolly's, This Woman's Work, Felcity
ELIMINATED: Felicity (Have we learned nothing, America? A drastic haircut is NEVER THE ANSWER. From Wikipedia: In 2010, TV Guide Network listed [Felicity's] hairstyle change at #19 on their list of 25 Biggest TV Blunders with several commentators arguing that it was the reason that the ratings of the show dropped. See? It was inevitable.)

That's six episodes gone since I started watching this morning. My TiVo capacity now has an additional 10% of available space. But I need a break. Back soon.