Smash - Don't Try To Cure My McPheever (Even With Lots of Pills)

By popular demand, here it is. But let's establish some ground rules first.

1. We do NOT say anything bad about Katharine McPhee.
2. We love Anjelica Huston, but we wish she would stop wasting so much alcohol.
3. Theatre people who side with Ivy simply because the woman playing her is a Broadway actress should think about their choices before they open their mouths.
4. We do NOT say anything bad about Katharine McPhee.

There. Are we good?

All right, let's get down to business.

JULIA & FRANK: Stop taunting us with Brian d'Arcy James singing snippets of songs in a not-so-serious manner. Can we just hear him do a real song alre-

Wait. That's it? That's how this is going down? He figured it out from a song? And her response is "It's over"?!?

(I'm putting the green screen extravaganza on hold for a minute. Don't worry. I'll come back.)

And this is how it goes down with Michael? A showdown on the street? A SHOWDOWN ON THE STREET?

Followed by a sad meeting in the rain. Oh man, Julia. You're supposed to be a better writer than this. Couldn't you have scripted something less obvious?

ELLIS: I can't handle much more of this kid. What exactly is he trying to do? And why do the producer keep trying to make us care? All we do is hate him. And talk about how no one believes that he's not gay. You can't dress like Darren Criss and also imply that you're sleeping with a woman.

IVY & HER PILLS: Contrived. As is the constant use of "Let Me Be Your Star" as underscoring for her downward spiral. But fine. If you must, then you must. I feel sorry for Megan Hilty for being saddled with this storyline.

THE GUY PLAYING GOD WHO WOULD NOT HAVE SAID "GET OFF THE FREAKING STAGE" IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS SONG, KNOWING THAT HIS MIC WAS LIVE: Well.

ELLIS 2.0: Haha! Never mind.

KAREN & THE GREEN SCREEN: So we don't get to see the shoot? Or the commercial? You're giving me NOTHING?! Jerks.

CHEERS (I'LL DRINK TO THAT): Yes, last week's bowling alley debacle really can't be forgiven that easily. But this was somehow organic and believable and awesome, all at the same time. Because theatre people would totally do this. Which makes me go back to the bowling alley disaster. Theatre people would totally do that too. Maybe without the dancing up and down the lane (because they'd get thrown out before the bridge), but still pretty realistic. Ugh.

ANGELICA HUSTON PUTTING ELLIS IN HIS PLACE: See? You CAN do it without throwing a drink in someone's face. Well done, Angelica.

SHOULD BE ELIMINATED: Julia's Son. Yelling isn't the same as acting. (I know this isn't Idol. I don't care. I'm voting him out.)