SIDEBAR ALREADY: Oh God. Don't EVER try to google Cee Lo Green images. Nothing good is going to come of it. However, since it's apparently too early for there to be photos of tonight's red spangled monstrosity, I give you this very similar look.
And while we're on the subject of things I'm never going to understand, what is this trend of tucking pants into untied boots?
Sorry, I digress. That's fodder for my other blog. Let's judge tonight's performances.
1. Jermaine Paul - Livin' On a Prayer: I'm tired of hearing about you singing backup for Alicia Keys. Too bad YOUR backup singers were blowing you out of the water.
2. Chris Mann - Bridge Over Troubled Water: I'm pretty sure Clay Aiken already did this. Sure, you have a far better voice than he ever did, but he had the Claymates on his side, and I'm not sure you've inspired that kind of fervor among the old ladies. We'll see. But in the name of Rock Chalk, I'm going to let you move on to the next round.
3. RaeLynn - Wake Up Call: Um. I get that you're going for kooky. But you do understand that some words have a fairly standard pronunciation, right? You can't just make up new vowel sounds for no reason. Also, you look like a fool.
SIDEBAR: Levine can't have enjoyed that.
4. Moses Stone - Stronger: What are you doing with that hat? Dude, CHRISTINA LOOKS MORE PUT TOGETHER THAN YOU IN REHEARSAL. That's never the position you want to be in. Also, I do not understand that gold skirt thing you're wearing. What? You want me to judge the singing? That wasn't singing. It was yelling.
5. Naia Kete - Turning Tables: Man, I didn't want to like this. Except in a strange, uncomfortable way, I did. But right now Dia Frampton is kicking herself, because this chick has way out Dia-ed her.
6. Lindsey Pavao - Somebody That I Used To Know: Now we know why Christina was so mean to Naia. Because this chick sounds the same. Except not as good. And is way weirder. And Dia is throwing things at her TV right now.
7. Jordin Unga - Alone: Noooooooo. Remember this? Why don't they listen to me? Also, Cee Lo? Those high notes did more than signify her vocal talent. They signified her lack of ability to sing on pitch.
SIDEBAR: Now is probably a good time to address Christina's brilliant knack for staging her team's songs. Let's leave it at that. I should probably have some more wine.
8. Sera Hill - Find Your Love: Wait. Apparently there was some sort of singing going on here? I just watched this performance twice and I don't recall that. Interesting.
9. Erin Willett & The Cast of Smokey Joe's Cafe - Living For the City: Sure. But let's watch Sera's performance again.
9a. Nono, to be fair, that was a technically top notch performance, and Erin looked beautiful. But that song...oh that song. The children do not want to vote for that song. And that staging? Come on, Blake. Come on.
10. Ashley De La Rose - Right Through You: Nice. Good vocals. Good guitar playing by Bucky Covington's twin. But you just don't LOOK like a pop rocker. I blame the stylist.
SIDEBAR: I'm getting bored.
11. Charlotte Sometimes - Misery Business: I always like a nice rock string orchestra. But I could do without the theatrics. Except the fan. Keep the fan.
11a. No seriously, we HAVE seen enough of the sass. I get tired of those little looks to the side. The voice is decent, but stop being so weird.
11b. Come on, Blake. You didn't HEAR the flatness at the beginning? Geez.
12. Jesse Campbell - What a Wonderful World: This is a great song, but it doesn't belong in the cleanup position. However, your diction made me fly, so I'm going to hope that you make it to the next round, even with that strange slide up and down at the end. (P.S. I'll forgive you for the scarf, but don't let it happen again.)
SHOULD GO: Team Blake - Jordis and RaeLynn / Team Christina - Lindsay and Moses
THE PROBLEM: I don't actually want to vote for anyone here.
I miss Javier.
No comments:
Post a Comment